^“And while they were there, the time came for her to be delivered. And she gave birth to her first-born son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.”

Luke 2:6-7

I remember giving birth to my first child.  I had read all the books and felt ready! After my waters broke I soldiered on through 30 hours of contractions before the OBGYN told me that I was only 5cm dilated and would still need an induction.   I was wrecked! As the induction progressed my excitement at meeting my baby gave way to the immense pain! I felt out of control. Instead of remaining open to the Lord, and to the pain, I tensed every part of myself trying to make the pain stop.  It was 47 hours from when my waters broke to when my daughter was born, and what I imagined birth to be had evaporated into a fog of pain, fatigue and fear. Less than 2 years later I was approaching birth again.  I had been invited to a pregnant mum’s prayer group, where women shared their experiences of birth, were prayed with both before and after their deliveries. It was there I realized how much fear had crippled me the first time, and was determined not to let this happen again.  My labour with my son was so different! Every contraction I prayed. I sought Mary’s intercession, knowing as a mother she would understand. When the pain got too much, my husband prayed aloud for me as I stomped methodically through the rise and fall of contractions. When things went wrong, it took me a minute to realize.  Different midwives entered the dark delivery room and I noticed the baby’s heart monitor had started making a different noise.   Suddenly I was being hustled down the hall to a sterile room with doctors and nurses rushing around like an ants nest that had been kicked. My baby’s heart rate had dropped dramatically and they needed to deliver him ASAP!   That old fear descended on me and for a minute I panicked! Would my baby die? While the OBGYN attached a suction cap to my baby’s head, midwives were preparing resuscitation equipment in the corner. My pain was excruciating! I clung to Jesus and prayed fervently, shouting His name over and over again at the top of my lungs through each contraction. My son was born at 3am. He was healthy and thriving.  I do still have issues from complications from that birth, however, if you asked me which birth was better, I would say my second because maintaining my eyes on Jesus meant I wasn’t consumed by fear. I’ve always wondered if Mary felt pain when she gave birth to Jesus.  On the one hand, Mary was conceived without sin, and since childbirth only became painful because of original sin, perhaps she didn’t feel any pain at all. On the other hand, she is human.  And as our mother, I sometimes like to think God might have allowed her to share in that pain, to know that pain*. In any case, I’m sure she too had to grapple with not allowing fear to enter, as she delivered her son on the dirty, stinking floor of a stable. It was through the birth of my son that I found a new level in my relationship with Mary.  By seeking her and Jesus in my delivery I uncovered a raw connection that was messy and real and beautiful.  ~ Nicky Ashley Nicky is a wife, mum, Creighton Practitioner, and founder of Radiant Rosaries. She lives in Brisbane where she works with like minded mum’s building genuine relationships and sisterhood as they raise strong Catholic families. *There are many different faithful theologians who have looked at the question of Our Lady being full of grace and her experience of childbirth. Some of this theory derives from Our Lady’s virgin birth. We might look at this on our blog at a future time.