Experiencing the death of a child is one of the most heartbreaking and traumatic experiences a parent can go through. Although it is widely acknowledged that one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage, sadly many women will experience the loss of a baby during pregnancy with little or no support. Many couples may also face the heart wrenching reality of a serious prenatal diagnosis with little to no avenues for life affirming support in the secular community. There are now a number of ministries emerging overseas that aim to provide much needed support in relation to pregnancy and infant loss, however there is a significant lack of support available locally for Australian Catholic women and their families. We believe that this is an area of ministry that needs to be addressed to better meet the needs of grieving parents in the Church in Australia. 

When facing the loss of their child of any age, women, their spouses, and families, may require a range of different supports, including medical care, emotional and psychological support, and spiritual and pastoral care. Research demonstrates that around 20% of women who experience a miscarriage become symptomatic of depression and/or anxiety (Nyanas, 2015) and many experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress (Farren et al., 2018). For people of faith, while secular counselling can be helpful, it may fall short in the context of pregnancy/infant loss, which can have a profound impact on faith and spirituality. Participation in religion can reduce the negative mental health impact of miscarriage (Petts, 2018) and having support through one’s faith community can be very beneficial for healing after loss.

Every loss situation is unique, and so too are a mother’s physical and medical needs at the time of loss. Many women experience the additional stress of medical complications requiring further intervention and lengthy physical recovery that may prolong the process of grieving and emotional healing. In some cases, parents may have to navigate complex bioethical questions regarding medical procedures and treatment options during a miscarriage or when facing a pregnancy with a life-limiting diagnosis. Lack of sound medical advice that adheres to Catholic teaching may increase confusion at an already distressing time. These devastating situations are often borne silently with minimal assistance from surrounding family, friends, workplaces etc, which further complicates the psychological impact of the loss. Fathers also often struggle to process their grief in healthy ways, while also trying to support their spouse through the complexities of child loss.

Feelings arising from loss can be complicated and conflicting. Some women struggle with guilt and self-blame due to misinformation regarding the causes of the loss, some experience feeling punished by God, or have anxiety regarding the salvation of their unbaptised babies. Others may question whether their grief is valid or conversely experience guilt if their reactions do not align with their own or others’ expectations. Faith struggles may be compounded by a sense of isolation as such losses are deeply personal and difficult to share. 

There is a critical need to provide parents with grief informed pastoral support during the various stages of child loss. Few know of the liturgical practices that are available through the Catholic Church, such as the Blessing of Parents after Miscarriage. Many parents also need practical guidance as to how to look after their baby’s remains, as navigating this in isolation can be extremely difficult and traumatic. In the Order of Christian Funerals (OCF) of the Catholic Church there are a range of liturgies available, including burial rites for unbaptised babies, and memorial masses where a body is not present. Such rituals can be very comforting and healing for bereaved parents. Furthermore, honouring and caring for the baby’s remains, where possible, demonstrates genuine respect for life from conception.

Another example of a resource that that can bring consolation to grieving parents is the document approved by Pope Benedict XVI on hope for the salvation for unbaptised infants. Appropriate pastoral support can also assist by deepening the grieving family’s connection with the Church and their faith, and by providing validation of their experience and consolation throughout their healing journey. 

The Church can also witness to life and support grieving families by holding a Mass of Remembrance for families having experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. This is a powerful way of acknowledging the significance of their loss, provides a tangible means of honouring their children, as well as connecting them with much needed community and spiritual support. In America, in the secular calendar, October is recognised as a month for commemorating perinatal loss (Oct 15th specifically). We are hoping to help establish an annual Mass of remembrance in Melbourne and hope that this example will encourage this practice through other dioceses and parishes. 

As grief expert David Kessler states, grief needs to be witnessed (Kessler, 2020). Further to the traumatic nature of pregnancy and infant loss, such losses may include the experience of disenfranchised grief, a grief that is not acknowledged or supported by the surrounding community, which can be extremely isolating for those bereaved. Those experiencing child loss often benefit greatly from the support of other women with lived experience of similar losses. Many women report that when they do share personal experiences of loss, many others come forward to share their own hidden grief. Within these stories are common themes and questions relating to the lack of resources and inadequate support received. The overwhelming feedback from Catholic women across Australia has affirmed the need to establish an Australian ministry for pregnancy and child loss, potentially involving an online library of resources, and most importantly, building a ministry that promotes healing from pregnancy and child loss through liturgical, community and prayer support.

If your life has been touched by pregnancy, infant, or child loss, we want you to know that you are not alone. There is much solace and hope to be found through our Catholic faith. Please also consider if you may be able to contribute to restoring hope and strengthening healing for others impacted by loss through this Catholic grief support ministry.

If you are willing to share some of your experiences to help inform this ministry, please click the button below.

Your input is invaluable to help us to understand and respond to the needs of grieving women and their families.

We would also like to invite you to consider becoming involved in this important ministry through contributing your skills, creativity, experience and/or prayers in any of the following ways: assisting in organising an annual Mass of Remembrance, designing prayer cards, mementos and related creative projects, and developing resources relating to various aspects of loss (e.g. medical, pastoral, psychological and spiritual support). Along with the more practical aspects of grief support, we believe it is important to develop an active apostolate of prayer for grieving women and families. We seek to form a prayer ministry team who will offer prayers and sacrifices in daily life for the specific intentions of families suffering from child loss. Whatever your capacity, this ministry can flourish with participation on many different levels. We desire for Catholic women to know that their babies’ lives matter, their pain is real, and that the Church deeply cares for them in their grief.

If you have a heart for honouring our youngest departed souls and caring for women and their families suffering through child loss, we would love to hear from you. 

If you are unable, or unsure if you can be involved directly, but would like to stay in touch with developments in this ministry, please click here to join our Anima Family Grief Support mailing list for occasional email updates.

~ Rosy Hayes
On be half of the Anima Team
Rosy works in mental health and has a personal interest in grief and loss. She and her husband have children in heaven and one here on earth. Along with her love for coffee, cats, and books, she enjoys time outdoors with her family in the beautiful hills of outer Melbourne.

References:

• Farren, J., Mitchell-Jones, N., Verbakel, J.Y., Timmerman, M.J., Jalmbrant, M., & Bourne, T. (2018). The psychological impact of early pregnancy loss. Human Reproduction Update, 24, (6), 731–749, https://doi.org/10.1093/humupd/dmy025
• Kessler, D. (2020). Finding Meaning : the sixth stage of grief. Simon and Schuster.
• Nynas, J., Narang, P., Kolikonda, M.K., & Lippman, S. Depression and anxiety following early pregnancy loss: recommendations for primary care providers. (2015). The Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders, 17 (1). doi: 10.4088/PCC.14r01721
• Petts, R.J. (2018). Miscarriage, Religious Participation, and Mental Health. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 57 (1). 109-122.